Things that you learn as a kid

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED

# No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

# When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.

# If your sister hits you, don't hit her back.

# They always catch the second person.

# Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

# You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

# Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

# Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.

# Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.

# School lunches stick to the wall.

# You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

# Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

# The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED

# Raising teenagers is like nailing JELLO to a tree.

# There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

# One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

# The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere... and let the air out of their tires.

# Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due.

# Families are like fudge .. mostly sweet with a few nuts.

# Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

# Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.

# Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

# My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

# If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.

# You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.